April ended up being legal month for me, all of it by phone. I got subpoenaed by the Oxnard Driver Safety office of the DMV for a license revocation hearing for the girl that rear-ended me in Santa Barbara back in March, and also ended up getting tapped for jury duty.

Luckily, I didn’t have to drive up to Oxnard to give my testimony for the license revocation hearing - I was able to irritate her lawyer over the phone just fine. This was after I had to raise my hand and solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, yadda yadda yadda over the phone.

Dipshit Lawyer: “Are you familiar with Santa Barbara at all?”
Me: “Yes sir, I went to UC Santa Barbara and lived downtown.”
Dipshit Lawyer: “Are you aware that there are no parking spots the entire length of State Street from Victoria Street until the water?”
Me: “Yes, that’s probably true, but there are loading zones and plenty of places wide enough to pull over, like I did, and like the respondant failed to do. However, there were plenty of parking spaces available along the streets that I chased here down on.”
D.L.: “I didn’t ask for your commentary, I asked you to answer my question.” Dipshit Lawyer continues to jaw on self-righteously for another 30 seconds or so berating me for saying more than what he wanted to hear.
DMV Lady (interupting D.L.’s rant): “I think he answered your question.”
D.L.: “OK. So, now, when she parked, was it in a parking spot?” D.L. thinks he’s going to prove that me having to chase her for about 10 blocks was just to find a parking spot.
Me: “Well, no. She never actually parked. She…”
D.L. (irritated): “Never mind what you think happened, just answer the question.”
Me: “As I was saying she didn’t park, she was PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE. AND NO IT WASN’T IN A PARKING SPOT, it was in the middle of the street, along side several parked cars.”
D.L: “Uh, no further questions.”
DMV Lady: “Well I don’t have any further questions for the witness either. Thank you Mr. Davis.”

Personally, since there was no damage to my sister’s car, I don’t really care whether the girl got her license suspended or not. Her getting pulled over by the cops was enough justice for me, and having to go through all of the legal hassle serves her right for trying to run away after she hit me.

Anyway, I must have been on a roll for legal fun over the phone, because my jury duty was fulfilled entirely by me calling a phone number after 5 PM for five days. Though it was frustrating not knowing whether I would be at work the next day until after I got home, it sure was easier than having to commute downtown for 5 days and being stuck in a waiting room for 8 hours.